How is Forgiveness tied to Infertility and Mother’s Day?
It may strike you as odd that I claim Mother’s Day and forgiveness often go hand-in-hand for those dealing with infertility. This annual occasion can arouse hurt and deep-seated issues of anger and resentment for those who long to have children. We can’t allow these emotions to consume us and create a toxic mindset of unforgiveness.
While I was happy to honor my mother and my mother-in-law for their lifelong work, I dealt with the aggravation of watching other women at church be acknowledged and presented with a long-stemmed rose for bearing and raising children. I felt disqualified by my infertility. Envy and inner anger ignited.
If infertility has caused anger toward others, yourself, or God, it’s time to surrender these negative feelings and forgive.
Failure to forgive is the opposite of love. Let’s chat about it.
Jesus was a living example of love and forgiveness
Moments before death, Jesus, in His beaten, suffering state, taught us to do what is against our nature. Instead of lashing out with anger and vengeance from the cross, Jesus called out to God and prayed about His perpetrators— “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34 NIV)
Are you mad at others?
Insensitive remarks and judgements from others about infertility can become embedded in our minds, replay over and over, and stir up anger. We try to take God’s job and become the judge of our tormentors. Jesus teaches us that we have our own need for growth, which demands attention rather than focusing on the shortcomings and sins of others, being consumed with anger, and condemning them. (Matthew 7:3-5 NIV)
Jesus instructed us to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:43). As we pray for those whose words have hurt us, the anger in our hearts dissipates, making room for forgiveness and love.
Are you mad at yourself?
Infertility often stirs up feelings of envy and jealousy. It’s hard sometimes to look at what others have and not be envious. Yet, as we are forewarned, “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.“ (Proverbs 14:30 NIV) The destructive feelings of envy and jealousy are the opposite of love. (1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV) We are to rid ourselves of these sins and any other past behaviors that offend God, repent of them, let God equip us with everything for doing His will, and let His work in us do what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ. (Hebrews 13:21 NIV)
God has forgiven you, so you have to forgive yourself! He does not want us to beat ourselves up with lifelong guilt.
Are you mad at God?
Even though our intellect acknowledges God as loving and good, some harbor anger in their hearts toward Him for their infertility. They struggle believing that His plan is not as good as theirs. The truth is that we have an all-knowing God working for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28 NIV)
What can we do if negative thoughts attack our faith and trust in Him? Our instruction in Scripture is clear—
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)
Then, we replace false thoughts with the truth about who He is: our loving God—
“who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things.” (Psalm 103:3-5 NIV0
God wants us to take our anger about our circumstances to Him.
You can pray now for the God of the Holy Bible to help you practice forgiveness.
Loving Father, thank You for teaching me about forgiveness. I want to pass on Your love and mercy by practicing Your precepts. Clear my heart of negative thoughts about others, myself, and You.
You are aware of every sin I have committed and have forgiven me. What a blessing to be cleansed of behaviors that offend You! Prompt me through Your Holy Spirit to be conscious of anything ungodly I do, repent of those actions immediately, and repeat them no more. Please help me to say STOP to any messages in my mind that trigger guilt or make me wonder how things could have been.
I embrace Your instruction that just as You have forgiven me, I am to forgive those who have hurt me (Colossians 3:13) and extend that forgiveness “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21). Guide me to forgive with kindness and a tender heart. (Ephesians 4:32) I pray that Your love and mercy be reflected in my conduct as I pursue forgiveness.
I know You love me and have not caused the infertility issues my husband and I are facing. Remind me to bring to You any anger I have brewing. Prompt me to spend more time in the Bible and grow in knowledge and appreciation for Your loving ear, guidance, and healing power. You know what is best for us. I ask all this in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Moving forward…
Ask yourself this: Have I asked the Holy Spirit to reveal to me any areas where I have not forgiven others, myself, or not talked to God about the anger I have about infertility? If so, have I repented of these thoughts in prayer and asked God’s forgiveness in the name of Jesus?
Consider this challenge:
- Talk to your pastor about including a prayer like the one in this link at the Mother’s Day service.
- Take some time to read the story of Job in the Bible. Job was afflicted with suffering in his family, wealth, and health. He had blunt conversations with God about his circumstances, and God responded. Job remained faithful. Reading God’s response will help you grasp His mindset.
- Think about exploring additional resources to give you more insight about forgiveness and anger:
**Total Forgiveness, R.T. Kendall
**Choosing Forgiveness, John Loren, Paula Sanford, Lee Bowman
**Forgive, Timothy Keller
Please share this post with someone who could benefit from it.
How can I pray for you? Email me at hello@infertilityprayerresource.com.
Peace be with you,
Kimberly
P.S. You won’t want to miss the following posts that will equip you for your journey:
- What Decision has the Most Impact on Your Infertility Journey?
- How Jesus Teaches Us to Conduct Ourselves in Dire Circumstances
- 4 Ways to Take Your Eyes off Yourself and Focus on God
- Why try Fasting for Spiritual Renewal and Guidance?