Where to Find Peace When Experiencing Miscarriage (Part 1)
After three years of battling infertility, I got news of a miscarriage I never thought I’d hear:
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” the OB/GYN said with empathy as he handed me a tissue for tears. “You have miscarried.”
Miscarried?
My eyes became pools of water. I braced myself to maintain composure as a wave of shock, hurt, and numbness surged through my body. My heart pounded with anguish.
Have you walked this path? I am so sorry for your pain and the heavy cloud of grief that may hover over you. In this difficult season, there is a way to experience the quiet assurance of God’s peace from the inside out.
As October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, let’s chat about dealing with loss and the opportunity to participate in the ‘Global Wave of Light’ on October 15 to support this issue.
Processing the shock of miscarriage and infant loss
Everyone has a different story.
I had never considered the possibility of a miscarriage, and my initial reaction was:
‘God, what went wrong at six weeks? What did I do? Why did this happen to us? I’ve tried to be faithful and do all the right things—now this.’
For the next few days, I could not speak to anyone regarding the miscarriage; I had no words. Filled with disappointment, my husband held and consoled me. He wanted to be my source of strength, but he hurt too.
One woman I know who miscarried at ten weeks shared:
I felt a huge sense of loss. I had already seen the baby in a series of ultrasounds done in previous weeks and had three sets of photos. I was very attached to the new life growing in me. At six weeks, I could see the heartbeat. Then, the head and body were easily definable in the following weeks, and the arms were developing. When the doctor told me our baby had died, I was in disbelief. Having to go through a delivery made the circumstances even more difficult.
When you are in the pit of despair, what can help soothe and heal the pain of a devastated heart and bring you to a place of serenity?
Fill the void of hurt and emptiness of miscarriage with the Truth that you are not alone
In Part 2 of this blog on October 24, we will address healthy actions to take as you process loss. For now, remember the Lord is by your side:
Do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be afraid, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you; I will help you;
I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10 NIV
Consider the following:
Miscarriage is more common than you might think.
- Experts report that approximately 10 to 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage (about one pregnancy in 100, at 20 or more weeks gestation, is affected by stillbirth). Most early miscarriages are caused by genetic abnormalities that are far beyond a pregnant person’s control. It doesn’t mean that anything’s wrong with the biological parents; the pregnancy simply ends because it’s not viable.
Don’t blame yourself for what has happened.
- God has authority over every human life He creates. Find comfort in God’s Word. He knows everything about everyone before they were conceived. He made us.
Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you,
Before you were born I set you apart.
Jeremiah 1:5 NIV
Jesus said,
Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them,
for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.
Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God
like a little child will never enter it.
Mark 10:14-15 NIV
Our all-seeing and all-knowing God watches over every event that happens to you. You can take solace and trust that He knows the future of every life He has created, including when and where each will exist —on earth or with Him in heaven.
The Lord understands your feelings of sorrow.
- Be reminded how Jesus grieved heavily on the earth. When Lazarus died, Jesus “was deeply moved in spirit and troubled…He wept” and responded with compassion and healing. (John 11:33, 35, 38-43) He wants you to release your grief in tears and words to Him. He knows your heart. Begin your path to peace with prayer.
You can Pray Now to the God of the Holy Bible and Surrender your Feelings about your Loss to Him
My tender, compassionate, and comforting God, I grieve that I have miscarried the life You allowed in my womb. My heart is shattered, and I am frustrated by the loss.
It was a privilege for (husband’s name) and me to learn we would be parents—now we feel robbed of that experience. Please heal our hurting hearts and help us through healthy grieving.
I surrender the loss of this child to You. Help me release my feelings (name them). While my husband and I do not understand why the timing was not right for having a child now, we trust that our future as a family is in Your hands. You know every desire of our hearts. Give my doctor Your wisdom and knowledge. Please help us to continue to find physical, emotional, and spiritual answers and move forward. We ask You to heal our abnormalities. Your Scriptures tell us that Nothing is impossible with You; For no word from God will ever fail. (Luke 1:37 NIV)
Have your hand upon us and use this situation for Your purpose. You can sustain us through any difficulty, free us of discouragement, and give us peace. Allow us to be content with what You allow us to have. I ask all of this in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Moving forward…
To break the silence that comes with miscarriage and infant loss, consider participating in the Global Wave of Light on October 15, 2024. This annual observance honors babies who have died during pregnancy, childbirth, or infancy and their families.
- At 7:00 pm local time on October 15th, participants can light a candle and place it in a window or another visible location as a symbol of remembrance. This ‘Global Wave of Light’ glowing worldwide symbolizes love, support, and remembrance for these precious lives. Say a prayer for those affected, and continue to surrender your loss to the Lord.
- If you have experienced miscarriage or infant loss, this is an opportunity to share your story with someone else who may have wounds from this loss and could use your support.
In Part 2 of this post on October 24, we will discuss healthy ways to grieve.
Until then,
Peace be with you,
Kimberly
P.S. You won’t want to miss the following posts that will equip you for your infertility journey:
- How Can You Get Personal with God Using His Language of Love?
- What Prayer Book Does God Provide as Your ‘Go-To’?
- Where can you find a Powerhouse of Encouragement during Infertility?
- What’s an Easy Way to Begin Joint Prayer About Infertility?
- Who Is Your Ultimate Prayer Partner – Part 1