Where to Find Peace When Experiencing Miscarriage (Part 2)
Sandy never thought about infertility or miscarriage. She conceived and delivered three children without any obstacles. When she got pregnant the fourth time, however, she entered a season where miscarriage became a constant challenge.
Although she was sick for the first month of her pregnancy, she felt better at eight weeks. At ten weeks gestation, things changed, and she began to experience spotting. Unexpectedly, she miscarried twins.
The grief of losing something so precious tormented her.
Feeling alone and empty, Sandy did not want to leave the bed. But she got up and forged forward to serve her family, not knowing what to do about her heavy heart.
At a prayer group for moms, one woman said a meaningful prayer that brought Sandy great comfort:
“As the woman prayed, a tangible presence wrapped around me like a
blanket soothing my soul. I felt God’s Holy Spirit take over my sadness.
He loved me, and I was not alone, even though previously I had thought
I was. I prayed to get pregnant again.”
Sandy conceived the following spring but miscarried at seven weeks. As emotional darkness invaded, her prayer experience reminded her that God was beside her. Again, His voice in her mind said, “Trust me.”
Sandy’s doctor prescribed a progesterone supplement, but more miscarriages followed: two in the first trimester. She continued to place her life in God’s hands. “I wanted to trust God…I was struggling to trust Him.”
The emphasis of her prayers changed.
Up until this point, Sandy’s prayers had centered around her losses and wanting more children. And then, she suddenly realized she should focus her whole heart on what God had already given her:
“I needed to pour all my energy into my husband and children, or whatever else the Lord placed in my path—my priority shifted from my desires to God’s will.”
Over the next five years, the miraculous happened.
Sandy and her husband conceived and she had three healthy pregnancies, resulting in three full-term children.
“I was so grateful every time I heard or saw the heartbeat of the baby after seeing so many dark ultrasounds in the past where the heartbeat should have been.”
The story does not end here.
Sandy had two more first-trimester miscarriages.
“I knew what grief looked like —not so much crying now but surrendering the life conceived back to God with anguish and then trusting Him.”
Then, another miracle…
Shortly after that, another pregnancy resulted in the birth of her seventh child. When the baby turned three, Sandy conceived again, only to miscarry again at five weeks.
Like each of her miscarriages, this one was unique. As the miscarriage occurred, she was able to see the placenta and transparent amniotic sac intact with something inside that looked like a starburst. Under light, the sac shone as brilliant as a jewel. She felt awestruck to witness that God had already made the baby a home inside her with distinct parts and purposes so early in the pregnancy.
She surrendered the lost baby to God with grief yet also with trust. Now 44 years old, Sandy wondered if her body could bear children anymore. She didn’t know it then, but her days of conceiving were over.
“My husband and I were blessed with seven children but lost eight to miscarriages. We will never understand why those pregnancies failed, but we thank God for gifting us with His creation of life. Every conception, every pregnancy, every miscarriage, and every delivery brought a blessing and a focus on hope. As hard as processing loss is, my faith and trust in God grew—His active presence touches me.”
You can Pray now to the God of the Holy Bible about Miscarriage and Infant Loss.
Repeat the prayer about loss in Part 1, and then add the following:
Lord God, You are the Creator of all life. Your Scriptures say: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.(Proverbs 3:5-6) I trust Your wisdom and involvement in my desire to conceive and deliver children.
You are a God who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him (Isaiah 64:4). Help me to be patient and allow You to act in my infertility journey. Steer me to dive into Your Word, focus upon You and Your ways, and minister to my family and anything else You place in my path. Give me times of silence so I may learn to listen and hear Your prompts in my mind. You are my Rock and the source of direction for my future. Bless me with deep faith in Your guidance.
I ask for Your gift of peace. Allow me to be untroubled and feel your goodness regardless of my circumstances. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.
Moving forward…
Ask yourself this:
- Have I taken active steps to grieve my loss? God has provided you with a natural mechanism for releasing your fragile feelings—tears; they are a catharsis for your soul. Remember that God sees every tear. Crying may sound like a simple task, but some in our culture frown on tears as a sign of weakness. Instead, tears are a healthy release of hurt that will help you move toward healing. The length of grieving differs from person to person.
As listed in the ‘Challenge’ section below, you can supplement your tears by praying the Psalms of Lament and the Scriptures in the Bible. Every time your feelings of sadness emerge, you can say, ‘I trust you, Jesus, and surrender my grief to You. Please heal my aching heart.’
- Is your husband receptive to praying with you? Grieving and consoling one another with prayer can strengthen your relationship. If that option is unavailable, ask if he is hurting, and give him sensitive, comforting affirmation to acknowledge his disappointment and pain. If he withdraws, this reaction should not be misconstrued as personal rejection or abandonment. Pray for his healing.
- Do my family and friends know about our loss? Along with receiving their support, sharing your miscarriage or infant loss with others honors the life God allowed you to conceive. Consider letting your family, community of friends, neighbors, faith community members, and prayer group serve you with a listening ear, prayer, meals, or other forms of supportive care.
Keep in mind that not every family member and friend may be equipped to respond to miscarriage or the loss of a child comfortably. Some may want to avoid further discussion and move forward. Meeting with a counselor may help you sort out these issues.
- Have I pursued medical care to investigate the causes of my miscarriage or infant loss? Are you planning on meeting with your doctor before conceiving again to avoid difficulties?
Try these challenges:
- Incorporate the following Psalms of Lament and Scriptures in your prayers, personalizing them with your name: Psalm 23:1-4; Psalm 119:28; Isaiah 40:29; Revelation 21:4; Matthew 18:14; John 14:18.
- Consider other ways to express your grief. Depending on the stage of the loss, friends of mine have done some of the following—named their lost babies, had obituaries printed, or had private memorial services. Some women I know have shown me a picture of their child (lost in the second and third trimesters) taken at delivery, which they keep in a private place.
Other mementos like the baby’s hospital blanket or a card with the baby’s footprints on it have helped some process their loss as well. One couple shared that they planted a tree in memory of their lost child.
Consider checking into some of the numerous Christian books and internet sites for infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss support.
- Seek out the sunny side. When you’re ready, seek opportunities to lift your spirits and make you smile. Consider doing something that brings you joy or a sense of achievement. Maintain optimism and hope, knowing that God is in control and has a future of peace and joy for you. As you move forward in time, think about supporting others who have suffered a miscarriage or infant loss with prayer and care.
Peace be with you,
Kimberly
P.S. You won’t want to miss the following posts that will equip you for your journey:
- Where to Find Peace when Experiencing Miscarriage (Part 1)
- How Can You Get Personal with God Using His Language of Love?
- What Prayer Book Does God Provide as Your ‘Go-To’?
- Where can you find a Powerhouse of Encouragement during Infertility?
- What’s an Easy Way to Begin Joint Prayer About Infertility?
- Who Is Your Ultimate Prayer Partner – Part 1